Of all the things to review in the plentiful world of pop culture, maybe the hardest are those that do their darndest to be absolutely average. They are neither good enough to spread the word about, nor offensive enough to cause you to run full tilt to the nearest web forum, fingers ablaze, to rant about how this horrible thing hurt your very soul.
Wolverine balances, on that line, right on his claws. Right on his horrible CG claws.
I came to this movie without a huge investment in the character. While I have collected comics on and off for many years, even having some of the older runs of X-Men and X-Force from the ’80s, I could never bring myself to get into Logan that much. Yes, he’s overexposed, but that’s only part of it. The X-men, while existing in the Marvel universe, have such a long and convoluted history that they are almost an entirely separate universe all to themselves. And Logan’s backstory on top of that is one of the most labyrinthine of all the mutants. Just the thought of even approaching an X-men comic these days would feel like Lucy Ricardo entering the chocolate factory after the conveyor belt was already at top speed. Blindfolded. Where the hell am I supposed to begin, and what am I supposed to do? Waaaah, Ricky!!
But I’m a fan of the original X-men movies, even the third one. I think they were an excellent modern realization of powers that showed that the superhero genre can be tremendously exciting and satisfying if you actually take it seriously.
So at least Wolverine’s characterization here is somewhat consistent with the one established by the earlier films, if not so much with what I know of his original comic persona. In the films he’s at heart a nice guy who’s really just a victim of a lot of bad circumstances with a biiiiig growling chip on his shoulder as a result. In the beginning of Origins we see how an unfortunate misunderstanding leads to the death of his father. And how this in turn leads him and his half-brother, also a feral mutant (who will later be known as Sabretooth), to go on the run and fall in with a special ops unit of the army that uses soldiers with powers to carry out their missions. The mercenary nature of these missions ultimately starts to wear at Logan, and causes a rift between him and his brother, who is relishing all the bloodshed a little too much. Logan leaves the unit and establishes a new life for himself in Canada, but years later his past comes back to call, fangs bared and guns drawn.
Part of the problem for me was a personal one. I just don’t care for prequels. Without fail, they feel a little less exciting. Going in, we already know the fate of most of the players. Seeing how the dots connect is, at best, interesting, and at worst, The Phantom Menace. They always feel like a brazen attempt to just cash in on a franchise. So the production has to be really, really good to pass muster, and here it just wasn’t. Everyone familiar with comics at all, even without reading the X-men stuff, knows more or less how Wolverine got his adamantium covered bones. So, that happens. Nothing here is particularly surprising, exciting, or interesting, and the script just plugs along, doing its job, while staring at the clock waiting for 5pm. Not terrible, not great.
Contributing to the feeling that this was superhero-origin-via-Fox-executive-committee was a couple of oddly included appearances by other mutants from the comics, like The Blob and Gambit. “Just find a way to put them in there, it’ll be cool. Fat doofuses and obnoxious Cajuns are really hot right now. Logic be damned.” Plus, I’ve been finding it hard to wash the image of the “young” Patrick Stewart out of my brain. His CG face was so creepy and frozen, he looked like he was wearing a V For Vendetta mask of himself.
Hugh Jackman commits to every role he does, and this was no exception. He’s always charismatic and entertaining to watch, but he can only do so much. Liev Schreiber does his best as Sabretooth, but is woefully miscast. I just don’t buy him as menacing, no matter how pointy you make him. The only real winner here seems to be Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, who not only gets the sole genuine laugh lines in the film, but has also earned himself a full-blown spin-off! Maybe that’ll be more fun.
The action sequences are cool enough, but they fail to elevate the film above the trope-filled, milquetoast direction and story.
Whoops! It’s five o’clock, Wolverine! Time to punch out and get in the bargain DVD bin at Wal-Mart.
